Monday, February 27, 2006
Haiz I should be doing my S paper questions now but very sian lah, so shall talk about something :p
Well I do not know whether this is fate or not. In primary six, I had a crush on the girl sitting beside me for almost the whole year. But of course, it was just one-sided, who will fall for a childish kid like me back then? I can still remember that she always lacked an eraser to use so I bought an eraser for her from the bookshop and gave it to her. So my crush on her lasted the whole of primary six and when it was time to leave our primary school, she returned the eraser to me. At that time I was still young to understand, so I took back the eraser. And when the PSLE results came out, I went to TCHS while she went some other school. I wanted to ask how she did but I guessed I was just too shy and so we went our ways. It was a coincidence that we got to meet again. I was walking to take the bus when I saw her back in our primary school with her friends. That was when I got to know her school, NHSS. However I pretended not to see her even though she called out my name. What a fool I was, I should have gone over to talk to her and off my opportunity went. So I carried on with my life as a secondary school student in one of the top schools in Singapore.
Then life is full of coincidences, when I was in secondary 3, I got to know a girl who studied in the school opposite the road. It was by pure coincidence, I am serious, that I got to know her. We started a MSN conversation and I found out more things about her. It turns out that she took third language as well. I could tell that she was a very friendly girl and she had a lot of friends. We became friends and it was through her that I got to know her best friend. Both of them were in the same CCA and both took Japanese as well. At first we communicate through MSN and by phone. Although we could meet easily during third language, both of us had not seen each other before. I was shy and she too so it took a while before we finally met. After that, we kept messaging constantly, resulting in me exceeding my free 700 SMS limit at that point of time. We chatted and SMSed a lot. Sometimes we even joked about how long this would last. Soon, I began to feel that I care about her a lot. I longed for her replies to my SMS and when she never replied, I would get anxious. I supposed that all this indicated that I had a crush on her. We encouraged each other in our studies. She also admit that she had a crush on me. But we never really got steady and soon we were talking about how long it would take before we lost interest in each other. There was nothing to prevent it. Sooner or later, we would find nothing to talk about anymore. I still remembered that there was one time when I made her angry and for the next month, we did not talk at all. I was quite worried and my imaginary ran wild, thinking of all sorts of things that could happen. Ever since then our frequency of SMSes decrease drastically and we hardly talk anymore. It seems as if we had once again become strangers. Our friendship somehow just died...
This post sure has a lot of coincidences lor or Singapore is a small place after all. Guess what? Both girls got into NJ after first three months! Maybe this is fate ba. It is giving me chances to get back what I had missed. But sadly, there was no fuel to ignite the spark between us again. I think we would, at the most, remain as friends then.
Seriously, how do you differentiate the love that you give to others? How do you know whether you are loving someone like a sibling or like someone you would treasure deeply? I am confused and I do not know how I should like this particular person C. Should I treat her like my sibling and give her sibling love; like a close friend, someone who I can share my feelings with and confide in; or maybe as a person I truly and deeply like. My various feelings are trying to gain control over one another and this has bothered me for some time. When will I ever figure out what my true feelings are? I guess I really need to sit down and clear my thoughts out. But when will I get the time to do so? Homework is starting to pile up. I must stop giving myself stress. Always take everything at ease. That's what I believe in, yup.
Guess I should get back to my S paper questions, haiz
hellmos signing off...
My mind's unweaving/ 5:58 pm
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
well just want to type down some random thoughts before they disappear.
A lady running after the bus, a man dressed in a white suit and long pants sitting down at the bus stop. The bus approaches the bus stop, passengers got on the bus and the bus driver prepares to step on the pedal. The man saw the running lady, got up from his seat and rushed to the entrance of the bus. He stretched out one hand to tell the driver to stop first and also signalled to the lady. The lady reached just in time and boarded the bus, all thanks to the kind gentleman. I was pretty impressed by the guy's actions. It just takes one simple action to make someone else's life much better and the guy has done it. It is easy to show a little bit of kindness but I just do not understand why people our days just cannot simply show it. It would take some nagging from parents (if they are around) before the children will do something. Otherwise, many people will just treat those in need as invisible beings. Sigh, I don't know what I can say as well. What's so difficult in helping out people when they are in need? It might make their day much easier. Well, that's just some thoughts I thought about on the bus ride home today.
Here's another thing that is worth pondering,
A visitor walked past a group of elephants, he stopped though, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. The visitor saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. "Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." The visitor was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? I feel that we must always remain optimistic that we will always succeed one day, no matter what. What's the point of keep forcing yourself to believe that you cannot achieve something when you have never tried it the second time? As I always said, trust and believe strongly in yourself. It always helps :)
One last point to say before I end off today, I have the feeling that I am getting complacent with my work. I see people rushing to finish their work while I still have the time to go online everyday to play games and chat. Is it that I am just too confident with myself or is it an indication that I will not do well for common test. Maybe it is really time that I should start revising...hmm
that's all for today,
hellmos signing off...
My mind's unweaving/ 8:42 pm
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Guess what happens when a lecture is suddenly cancelled?
Going home early? NAH. How about soccer? Sure, why not?
Well, firstly, I must say that I only starting to know more about soccer in Secondary 1, which is like 6 years ago. It was considered a short period cos I have friends who started like in Primary 3?! However, there was not much that I know either, all the focus was on EPL which stands for English Premier League, yeah premier, only the best of the best can play in that league. At that time, the strongest team was Arsenal or Man U, so it was a close fight. I got to know more players like Thierry Henry, James Beattie, Shay Given, Jermaine Defoe, Frank Lampard etc. Previously the players I knew came solely from a club. Make a guess which club? Which club won the Treble in 1999 and had two blacks as their strikers? Not being racist here, Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke were damn good when they were in Man U, where they are commonly known as 黑双煞 in newspapers here. Yup at that point of time, I only know players like Van Nistelrooy, Scholes, Giggs, Beckham, Solskjaer, Schmeichel etc. However through friends who supported different teams, I got to know more players who are so good that I regret not knowing them in the first place.
However, my knowledge of soccer was kept stagnant at EPL though I still know some well known clubs like Real Madrid, Juventus, the Milan giants, Bayern Munich, Barcelona etc.Not bad already but I felt that it was still not enough. Ever since secondary school, I have heard my friends play Championship Manager which sounded quite nice. I always listen to them talking about various tactics and superb players. I hoped for the chance to get to play it and it was until JC1 before I really got my hands on the game, installed it and started the craze of playing CM0304, all thanks to Jen, haha.
So I started playing CM0304, managed Man U (of course) with a promising transfer budget. I bought wunderkinds like Diego, Tevez, Rooney, Quaresma, Freddy Adu. My team was virtually invincible and I played until year 2010 in the game, lol. Then came FM05, an improved version of CM0304. I started playing it, managed Liverpool (yeah the reformed one with more Spanish players than usual). This time round, the players' stats were more realistic than CM0304 where one can get defenders with stats 20 each for heading, marking and tackling at the age of 20 yrs old. As I got more experience from the game, I realised what a player stats a player needs for a particular position. But though I feel that my strategy is right, there's always a chance that my team can lose rather badly. So I wanted to know the reason why this can happen. I started my FM05 with another team, Valencia. I have always wanted to use that team because I don't think Barcelona or Real Madrid has enough challenge for me. As I started using Valencia, I told myself that I must find the answer to my question. After playing one full season using their first team, I think I have finally found the answer. The reason lies in the team itself.
Firstly, let's look at Liverpool,
goalkeeper: Dudek (Polish), Kirkland (English)
defender: Carragher (English), Hyppia (Finnish), Henchoz (Swiss), Josemi (Spanish), Riise (Norwegian), Traore (French), Finnan (Irish)
midfielder: Gerrard (English), Alonso (Spanish), Garcia (Spanish), Kewell (Australian), Hamann (German)
striker: Cisse (French), Baros (Czech), Sinama-Pongolle (French)
now let me ask what languages do they most commonly speak?English? Spanish?
now look at Valencia,
goalkeeper: Canizares (Spanish)
defender: Ayala (Argentinian), Pellegrino (Argentinian), Marchena (Spanish), Curro Torres (Spanish), Carboni (Italian), Moretti (Italian), Aurelio (Brazilian)
midfielfer: Baraja (Spanish), Albelda (Spanish), Vicente (Spanish), Rufete (Spanish), Xisco (Spanish), Angulo (Spanish), Aimar (Argentinian), Sissoko (Mali), Fiore (Italy)
striker: Mista (Spanish), Di Vaio (Italian), Corradi (Italian)
now see some difference? By the way, Argentinians speak Spanish as well. As you can see, almost the whole team of Valencia can speak Spanish!! And did I mention that their teamwork is extremely high as well? This team is able to score as many goals as possible in a match and almost all of the goals are teamwork goals. Thus this was how I got to like Valencia so much, haha. Compared with Liverpool, I still prefer a more homogenous team to one that is so rojak that i hardly see the teamwork there. This is also one of the reasons why I am still able to thrash strong teams in the second season :D
FM is a very strategic game, it requires a lot of analysis and cannot be played by just choosing some players that you think will definitely perform. Soccer is about the whole team and not individuals. This has certainly make me think more for the class when we play soccer together. We cannot depend on individual talent to score goals or win games. Teamwork is and will always be very important. Look at how the soccer first team played against us, their passing was much better than ours and all we could do most of the time was to just defend our goalposts. I just feel that we should work on our teamwork more often.Well I think I better stop writing or else I will drag on forever.
That's all folks,
hellmos signing off...
My mind's unweaving/ 9:57 pm
